When I’m Speechless…

swingI must be honest. This season of my own life has left me struggling to find the words to often describe how I feel, what I think, or in some cases, what I know. Our world. My heart hurts for our world and the people in it. My heart hurts for us, the Christians, who live day in and day out walking through the trenches of a dirty world, a sick world, a world that so desperately needs Jesus.

I’m learning that time spent in the company of family and friends is time well-spent and sometimes that means sacrificing moments behind the screen of my own computer, writing, telling stories, delivering thoughts onto the blank canvas of what will soon become pages of words that lead people, students, to the feet of Jesus. I’m humbled by the thought of all that. I know that I have a gift, but pulling it out and using it has been hard lately, mostly because I just don’t know what to say. For the past week, I’ve gone to bed heavy-hearted and then faced the day with an optimistic, but burdened heart. I don’t speak to the issues we’re facing because I honestly don’t know how to and sometimes a quiet, gentle approach is most needed. I need it. I watch and listen to others talk about the issues and in many ways I feel like it does more harm than good. I know what I believe and I know what the Lord has promised me, therefore I’ll stand on that, walk through life holding on to that, and look to the future with that promise in mind no matter how high these waters rise.

There are times in my life when the words come so easily. They seem to pour out of my heart and onto the pages with very little effort. And then, like now, there are moments when the words take their time, require more thought, and seem to be almost non-existent. I do, however, want to look back on this and remember what it feels like to be speechless. I want to remember the struggle to find the words and be able to recall the times when this heavy-heartedness changed me. It changes me always. Even when I walk through these seasons of quiet, and I believe at times we all do, I’m changed. If nothing more than a changed perspective, I never walk out of it the same.

So, while I can’t speak to the state of our nation, our world, the Christian church, the declining morality of human nature, social and ethical beliefs and symbols, and every other “wave” of injustice or topic worthy of being talked about in our world today, I CAN speak life into my own situation and face today with hope and the belief that God is still God and will forever be God no matter what I feel, or face, or hear, or watch. I’m choosing to let God fight the fight, and when He fights I really don’t need to say anything at all.

Lord Jesus, we need you. I need you. Our world desperately needs you. I realize that walking through this life without you only leads to death. With you, we live. In you, we find life and peace. I’ve found myself in a quiet season, a season where the words don’t come so easily, yet I’m watching and observing the chaos that goes on around me. It breaks my heart. You said that what we feel, you feel, so I know that it breaks your heart too. You love us and want us to have life, but God, apart from you there is no life. I pray fervently for our nation and the decline of morality, but most importantly the lack of concern for you, our God, our Creator, our Savior. Lord, bring us back to you! Turn our eyes toward you! Have mercy on us. Keep me close to you and in all my ways let me point others to you, Jesus. Amen.

One thought on “When I’m Speechless…”

  1. I admire you for not holding back in speaking about your faith. In my opinion just because you believe in Jesus Christ and your religion people don’t have the right to belittle you or your opinion simply because they you don’t agree with them. You don’t have to have the same beliefs or opinions in order to respect each other as human beings. As long as you don’t actively judge and speak ill of those that don’t believe the same thing as you I say you do not have to hold back on what you have to say. This is your blog, if people don’t like what you post then they do not need to continue reading it.



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