There are days in my life when I think to myself, “Wow, Kindall. You’ve really made a go of this. It was fun, but something’s missing.” You know, I’m talking about those times when you really felt like you’ve poured your heart and soul into something that just didn’t turn out quite right. Then, I leave feeling like maybe I’ve tried too hard. It can, in fact, be a very discouraging place to find yourself, and I’m there.
If I’m real honest, I’ve had lots of those times lately. Things seem to be moving along quite nicely and then….you guessed it- the bottom falls out. There’s got to be a greater purpose than what I can see. I’ve asked God, “What are you trying to teach me here? Why put me through all of this? Is this even where I’m supposed to be or have I veered so far off course that I’m delusional?” I’ve got so many things going on in my head and in my life at any given moment that when things start to fall apart it seems like I’m in the middle of a really bad game of dominoes….and my world crumbles around me. Crash and burn. Crash and burn! Let me be very real for just a moment. It’s crumbling, ya’ll. In my writing, I’m not often this transparent, but I’m human and today I realized that taking the time to cry….not just a tear or two but to really CRY…is okay. The funny thing is, I never really plan to cry, it just happens. Today has been a great day. I wasn’t expecting to be this emotional, but that’s how it rolls sometimes. The pressures of life and people are strong and if I’m not careful they’ll implode my world at my feet.
So, from someone who always tries to do the “good, little Christian girl” thing and keep it all together, I’ve just accepted the fact today it is okay to let go just a little bit. I have the greatest family in the world. They always seem to know when something’s wrong. I’m thankful that I’m able to share my raw emotions with them and know that they see me for who I am, not for what the world expects me to be.
For times when this life just seems too hard to manage and I’m staring adversity square in the eyes, I hold on to what Psalm 29:11(MSG) says. “God makes his people strong. God gives his people peace.” I know God never gives us more than we can handle. Dealing with the struggles now only molds us to be more like Christ. So, in this valley I will still sing through the tears, hold tight in my heart to the promises God has given me, and walk confidently into the next chapter of my story….knowing all the while that I’m not alone.