Let’s just be real. I know that I’m not the only one who struggles to hear God’s voice sometimes, but it sure is a difficult place to be in! So, if you’re reading this and you’re going through (or you’ve gone through) the same, know that you’re not alone! I’m facing the same thing! And if I were to be real honest, it is so frustrating for me! Especially when I know God has promised to do great things with me, yet I don’t see any fruits of that yet in my life. Being 24 years old and unable to see a clear future is scary. I’m in a really awkward season. I’m not sure if you’ve been in a place like this before. I just have to know that something amazing is coming. I like to think that I’m like that pearl that God is polishing and preparing to reveal. When doors of opportunity open up for everyone else, it is so easy to get discouraged! When all of my friends are married or will be soon, it is easy to get discouraged! When you work so hard to live out a dream and a vision, yet the fruits of that labor are still hidden, it is easy to get discouraged! In all the good that God has done in my life, I know that there is so much to celebrate.Trust me, I am! However, God has been quiet with me lately. I’ve been reminded of His grace and sovereign plans time after time, yet the big things come in seasons. As one season ends, another begins. Who knows what it will hold. I think that’s how God likes it though. It’s been that way for a few years now. In these times, when I’m feeling scared to death, I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and I’m right in the middle of where He wants me. There is a reason for all of this! There are so many changes that I can see God lining me up for, but timing is an issue. When do I need to make a move? How do I know when the time is right? I’ve always wanted God to post the answers to questions like this on a billboard with sparkly lights so that I’d be sure not to miss it. But, that wouldn’t be walking by faith, now would it?
Remember the sun stand still prayer? (If not, go back and read some of my previous posts.) I’m still praying and believing for God to do some amazing things in and with my life. Those audacious prayers haven’t been forgotten! The sun stand still prayer will probably always be something that I’ll pray. There’s always going to be more that God can do with me! I saw Him use me in the Philippines in ways that I never dreamed could be possible for someone like me, yet, I’m still waiting to discover why He took me there. I know God is still working, but sometimes it is hard to hear his voice. And I’m continually asking, “What is next, God? Where I am going next?”
I’m learning some great things in my life now. But, they seem to be hard lessons to learn. Personally, I’ve found that while ministry is a wonderful thing, (and every Christian should be doing it!!!!!!) it is possible to get so wrapped up in it that I lose sight of God’s hand in it all. I literally stepped off of the plane in Jacksonville, took a deep breath, and
put on my superwoman cape dove deep into the next mission: Middle School Camp. There’s so much that goes into putting something like that together…in two weeks! Writing a Bible study, designing and ordering backpacks and t-shirts, purchasing school supplies to fill the backpacks, staffing Bible study leaders, support staff, and a band, meeting with the staff, planning the music and worship time, media, publicity, MULTIPLE trips to Walmart, planning staff fellowships, and the list goes on and on. And now, its time for me to go back to work. What a whirlwind my life seems to be and yet, the job never ends! I think its time for me to slow down a little. I want to take in everything. Breath a little more deeply. Refocus and really listen.
I pray that God would give me the ability to have patience with the process and know that He is always in control. When I deal with difficult people, He is in control. When I can’t see past the present moment, He is in control. When I don’t know why I’m in this season, He is in control. When I don’t know what my future holds, He is in control. When I do all I can to try to keep it together. He is in control and He is keeping me.
As difficult as it seems, I know that its a wonderful place to be.